My studies of American History are filled with awe and plagued by the question, “How could we?”
Head First, My Dear
A leap of faith
With a running start
Jumping over the canyon’s edge
Hoping that you will catch me
Above me
The great blue expanse of the sky
Seems to laugh
At my folly
Below me
The rocky earth of the canyon’s bed
Opens its jaws
Waiting to devour me
But now I am falling
And falling fast
My only hope
Is to land in your arms
Having counted the cost
I threw myself into the unknown
As the canyon’s edge
Disappears
I exclaim
Three words
Into the chasm around me
A Trajedy So Sweet
“Do you love me?”
She asked
Searching his eyes
For something
Anything at all
“Of course I do,”
He said
Twisting the knife again
She did not cry.
“Perhaps,”
She thought,
“Pain is better
“Than feeling nothing at all.”
If I Die Young
I’ve been meaning to do this for a while and I’ve finally gotten around to it. This is a list of thirty things I want to do before I die. If I can just do five of these, I’ll be happy.
- Teach a class at a dance convention
- Audition for “So You Think You Can Dance”
- See “The Phantom of the Opera” live on Broadway
- Watch a sunrise over the Pacific Ocean
- See as much of the world as possible
- Meet Glen Beck, Condeleza Rice, Colin Powell, and Doris Kearns Goodwin
- Learn to surf
- Go snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef
- Meet Mia Michaels, Tyce Diorio, Janice Jamison, Sonya Teyah, Paul, Taylor, Sarah Lance, and the Beat Freaks (There are a lot more, but these are the first ones to come to mind.
- Visit the Holy Land
- Have one of my poems or essays published
- Get a kiss in Central Park or at the top of the Empire State Building
- Even if I’m never meant to marry, I want to experience a true romance, just once.
- Master a triple pirouette, fouettes, and pirouettes in second
- Help plan or be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding
- Go to a college party just to say I did
- Taste a margarita just to say I did
- Get a tattoo
- Dye blue streaks in my hair
- Learn martial arts
- Break a school rule just for the heck of it
- Lean to knit
- Be crowned Homecoming Queen
- Try on a Vera Wang wedding gown
- Speak Spanish fluently
- Put a letter in a bottle and send it out to sea
- Go rock climbing in the Rocky Mountains
- Wish on a shooting star
- Get at least one professional dance job
- Take a master class at Broadway Dance Center
Red Leaves
My favorite color is blue
But in the fall
I loved red leaves
Uncle Charlie learned this
And every fall
Until he became too feeble
Would collect scarlet specimens
And press them
In the pages of his bible
Until Sundays
When he would place his bounty
Into my tiny hands
A toothy grin spreading from ear to ear
At the delight on my face
This man
Who really wasn’t my uncle at all
Taught me many things
To marvel at Creation
To be a patriot
To sing old, forgotten hymns
To appreciate poetry
And that love
Was red leaves in the fall
And four-leafed clovers in the spring
Or any gift we can afford to give
At any time
Does It Feel Good, Yet?
Do what makes you happy. Do whatever feels good. Does this sound familiar? Both of these statement come from a philosophy I have come the call The Feel-Good Gospel: a philosophy that present the idea that the ultimate goal for our lives is to find, you guessed correctly, happiness by any means necessary.
On the surface, this philosophy sounds pretty good. Singers like Bobby McFerrin remind us, “Don’t worry. Be happy.” Movies like Julia Roberts’ latest film Eat Pray Love teach us the importance of finding satisfaction in our lives and living life to its fullest. Companies try to assist us in this endeavor by supplying us with short-cuts to our goal with characters like the Cheerios honey bee. “Be happy. Be healthy.”
It all makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but its never too long before we need another fix of feel-good. And everytime it gets a little more difficult to maintain our lifestyle, because no matter how hard we try, something is always missing.
The Feel-Good Gospel gained prevalence with the “Me” generation of the 1970s and has continued to grow in popularity throughout the last three decades, so much so, in fact, that it has become a mainstay in American culture and society, the definition of the American Dream. Three hundred million of us desparately seek out this happiness through relationships, education, occupations, material possessions, health, and beauty from the time we are born. The unfortunate reality is that few of us ever reach this dream.
Fifteen million Americans are treated for clinical depression each year, more than heart and lung disease and cancer combined, and suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death for adults (homicide is the fifteenth), the third for adolescents. More than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce within the first two years; “irreconcilable differences” and infidelity are reported as the most common causes. More than one million abortions are performed each year. Drug abuse and alcoholism are still commonplace.
It would seem to me that on of two things is true: we as a society are doing something wrong, or The Feel-Good Gospel is seriously flawed. My money goes on the latter.
Perhaps the truth of the matter is that there is no satisfaction in satisfaction itself. Underlying The Feel-Good Gospel is the basic need we all experience as humans: the need for purpose and fulfillment. However, also underlying this philosophy are basic facets of human nature: namely selfishness and greed. Greed is never satisfied; it always wants more. Selfishness cares only for what affects and/or interests itself, with no regard for the needs of others. Paired together, ego and desire create on heck of a vacuum, taking in everything in sight, but never being filled.
Suddenly, The Feel-Good Gospel doesn’t feel so good, nor does it present a hopeful outlook for the future of a nation that lives and breathes it. Eventually, we will all be buried alive under piles of discarded cell phones, choking on the pages of thousand of guides to self-actualization while we duke it out amongst ourselves for breathing room.
Well, maybe that’s a little harsh.
Seriously, though; The Feel-Good Gospel is getting us nowhere fast. What good is a gospel that preaches happiness if we aren’t getting any happier? It seems to me that we’ve only become more frustrated.
Maybe happiness is not our goal. I truly believe that happiness is a side-effect of fulfillment in something greater, that you can’t find happiness, or create it, only allow it to grow inside of you.
It seems appropriate to quote my father here and I hope he will forgive me for taking liberty with his words:
Nothing in life can make you happy. You have to find your happiness in Christ first, and everything else will follow.
tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
Ireland, Tokyo, or New York City.
Bride
Cowering at His feet, she lay
The trembling body
Clothed in black, tattered sack cloth
Her face smeared with dirt
He hair soaked with tears
She dared not look to His face
Seek His eyes
She refused to ask for mercy
For she knew there would be none
Not for her
Her transgressions were too great, too many
They laid in her heart
Like stones
Dragging her to the depths of despair
With every passing moment
He fear increased
Her judgement was nigh
The verdict long decided
Her thoughts were interrupted
By the hand upon her shoulder
Her body shivered
As if cloaked in ice
Awaiting His rebuke
His rejection
Only to realize the gentleness of His fingertips
The softness of His touch
“Look at me,” He whispered
Lifting her eyes
She was dismayed
His eyes level with hers
His face only inches from her own
He cupped her face in his hands
And kissed her forhead
Then lifted her in His arms
Gently placing her on her feet
“My love,” He called her, smiling
His face glowing with adoration
She could not speak
Nor move
So great was her surprise
“My love,” He said again,
“I am so glad you have returned to Me.”
A Time for Dictators
There will come a day
When the battles fought for our souls
Will spill before our eyes
Like blood
And in that day
The entire world will be at war
The hour is at hand
I can feel it in the wind
The calm before the storm
The Lambs and crying
Long and loud
Their weeping sounding from the hillside
Pleading for a Shepard
And though the Shepard
Has sought out His sheep to rescue them
They will not heed
So Wolves they will recieve
And by Wolves
They will be devoured
Sand, Surf, and the Creator
For the first time in five years, I’ve come to the beach for some reason other than a dance competition. This family trip to Nagshead, North Carolina is somewhat bittersweet for me: this is one of (and possibly my last) family vacations before I graduate from high school; however, the beauty of the land around me has diluted the coming anxiety of reality, at least for the moment.
I have spent much of my day enjoying the sand and surf of Nagshead and Pea Island with a mixture of yoga and qigong on the sand, boogie boarding, wading, and sea shell hunting. Looking into the great expanse of blue that we know as the Atlantic harkened back memories of myself at six years old, imagining that I was standing at the edge of the world. Even now, at the age of sixteen, despite my knowledge that Europe lies on the other side of the horizon, I find myself imagining that I am, indeed, standing on the edge of the world; that the horizon line where the water meets the sky is the edge of the cliff falling into an abyss of unknowns. And then I stop to consider the seemingly infinite grains of sand shifting beneath my feet, the breath-taking delicacy of scallop shells scattered on the shore, the intoxicating scent of sea air, the intricacy of water channels weaving through the salt marches…the list could continue on and on. As I gaze on the white foam and green water of the Atlantic, I am reminded of how small and insignificant I truly am.
Then another thought comes to me: despite my own insignificance and frailty and the wickedness that contrasts so blaringly with the beauty of the world around me, the Master and Author of the Universe loves me geater than any other portion of His creation. Though I pale in comparison to the beauty of an ocean sunrise, the Redeemer of the Universe chose me, gave up His life for me.
And in that moment, my heart was stilled and the world around me silenced.
